Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize