I'm sorry my penis didn't work
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
