I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize