Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
