i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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