420 ftw
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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