Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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