my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
