Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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