So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
