worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
