mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
