I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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