I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
