sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
