I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
