great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
