.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
