): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
