Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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