I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
