I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
