Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
