The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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