First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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