The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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