It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
