I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Found the puke drawer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize