I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
