no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
