just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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