Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
