I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he shaved USA in his pubs
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
