I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
