Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
