tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
