meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
this hospital has no fireball
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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