if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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