my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
