I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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