he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
