come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
