why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
