worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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