when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
