First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
