the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
