happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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