My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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