drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
