I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
