Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
