You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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