franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Those nachos came to me in a dream
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
