awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
