I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
