call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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