I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
