If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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