I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
