I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
