how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
