Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
