I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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