How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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