i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
