On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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