shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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