So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
