We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
