Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize