i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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