I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
