My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
