3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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