Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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