He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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