i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
