Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
