what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
