it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize