You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
