he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
