We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
