I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
