You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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