we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
