More tranny stories later!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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