Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
