I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
