He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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