brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
