Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
